Learning to Love the Desert

I have been going through a dry and arid season that has caused an abundance of frustrations. I can't even count the nights spent on my face seeking God and crying out to Him because of this fierce consuming hunger that has overtaken me. I felt like God just wasn't listening, like He had turned His back on me. I began to grow anxious and had panic attacks because I didn't know what this lonesome future held. I can't live this life without Him. I spent night after night repenting and asking for Him to show me where this sin was in my life that wouldn't allow me to grow close to Him. It was a very painful and discouraging few weeks before I realized what was happening.

I was in the desert.

The desert is a place for your faith to grow and to be strengthened. It is a time for you to grow in diligence and discipline. And the best part is, God is still God in the desert. It took me a while to see past the lies of the enemy and to be reminded that God will never leave me nor forsake me. I prayed for my faith to be strengthened. I prayed for a deeper cavern in which to be filled with His Spirit. I prayed for the desert.

During this journey I have been reading A.W. Tozer's "The Pursuit of God", which I highly recommend. It is the sum of all of my feelings and impressions that I couldn't quite make into coherent words and sentences. In the second chapter entitled "The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing", Tozer talks about the deep human desire to possess. He says that "The roots of our hearts have grown down into things, and we dare not pull up one rootlet lest we die. Things have become necessary to us, a development never intended. God's gifts now take the place of God, and the whole course of nature is upset by this monstrous substitution". He goes on to talk about the only way to destroy this foe is through the cross. I've filled my live with a lot of junk, and I've been holding on to the only things that I felt like I had some bit of control over.

The reason that I mention this is because this is just one of the many examples of the good things that have come out of this dry season. Not only have I truly recognized that God is still holy and righteous in my desert, but I've had these wicked thorns of this possessive nature quite forcefully ripped out of my heart. Everything that I cherish, everything that is dear to me, has been given to Him and it's a wonderful freedom. The goal that I am constantly striving towards is for God alone to be enthroned in my heart. Hunger is a gift. In Luke 6 Jesus said "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh". I am learning to love the desert. As frustrating and painful as it is, it is a necessity for growth and maturity. In the wise words of Marge, "you can grow in the desert, but you can't stay there". My only hope is in the knowledge that one day my soul will find satisfaction in the eyes of my Savior.

What happens when we are willing to give up everything that we hold so dearly to walk into the light and freedom that our Father offers us? 

What happens when we disregard our comfort and run hard after the face of God and not the blessings of God? 

How do our lives change when we stop fighting the growing pains that are so necessary for our spiritual maturity? 

Psalm 63

A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.

You, God, are my God,

    earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you,

    my whole being longs for you,

in a dry and parched land

    where there is no water.

 I have seen you in the sanctuary

    and beheld your power and your glory.

 Because your love is better than life,

    my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

    and in your name I will lift up my hands.

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;

    I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,

    I sing in the shadow of your wings.

 I cling to you;

    your right hand upholds me.

 Those who want to kill me will be destroyed;

    they will go down to the depths of the earth.

 They will be given over to the sword

    and become food for jackals.

 But the king will rejoice in God;

    all who swear by God will glory in him,

    while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

Walking in the Promise

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God." 

2 Corinthians 1:20

So often we know the words of God. We know who He is and what He says, but do we really believe them? Do we really know His promises to be true and applicable in our lives? This is something I've been working through in the last few weeks. Yes, I know my God is the God who provides, but do I believe that to be true for me? I know He is my healing and my strength, but do I act like I know it?

Am I walking in His promises? 

Is the way that I live my life an accurate representation of the truths that my faith is founded on?

Jeremiah 29:11 says this: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope'". Do we trust God? Do we trust in His power and His knowledge? His will and His plans for us are for us. They are for our benefit. There is correction and discipline because He loves us and as our loving Father He knows what is best for us.

He gives power to the weak

and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired,

and young men will fall in exhaustion.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:29-31

I guess the big point that I am trying to make is that we can trust in God despite our circumstances. We can believe His promises to be true because of His love for us. We have no need to fear because we are made in perfect love. Numbers 23:19 says this "God is not human, that He should lie, not a human being, that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?" He isn't going to change His mind about you. As our Father, He longs to guide us and fulfill our every need just like He said He would! 

He is who He says He is. 

He will do what He says He'll do. 

Nothing will ever separate you from Him and His promises. 

You are a child of the living God. 

Start living like it.

Love Has Ruined Me

I'm just going to cannonball right in to what has been on my heart lately. It's going to be raw and it's going to be blunt, but I say these things in love and with a great conviction on my heart.

Why don't our lives look like we're in love with Jesus?

Why aren't we in a desperate pursuit of the One that we claim to love?

Why aren't we willing to sacrifice our time and energy for Him?

Why aren't we completely wrecked by the fact that we aren't with the One that holds our hearts?

Where is our lovesickness?

We live our lives with a false sense of fulfillment. In our prosperity we have filled the natural void in our hearts for God with useless, distracting, and time consuming things that have completely suppressed our appetites for Him. We have become so focused on the things of this world and pursuing worldly success that we have lost sight of eternity.

Those who have sincerely come to know our Lord and Savior have come to love Him. Out of the knowledge of who He is comes a deep longing in our hearts for more. Out of that knowledge comes a profound and beautiful mourning because the One that we love is not here with us and our only consolation and comfort is in the fact that He is returning to us and that we will be united with our Bridegroom once again forever.

1 You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek You; 

I thirst for You, 

my whole being longs for You,

in a dry and parched land 

where there is no water.

2 I have seen You in the sanctuary

    and beheld Your power and Your glory.

3 Because Your love is better than life,

    my lips will glorify You.

4 I will praise You as long as I live,

    and in Your name I will lift up my hands.

5 I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

    with singing lips my mouth will praise You.

6 On my bed I remember You;

    I think of You through the watches of the night.

Psalm 63:1-6

Do we really know Him?

Do we really love Him?


When we're in love we spend time with the person that we love. We communicate with them. We long to know them better and better. We recklessly pursue the one that we love and do what makes them happy. Not out of a sense of obligation or because we desire to have our actions requited, but because we love them and it's a natural response to love.

Where is this kind of love and deep longing for Christ?

On our lists of things that we love, as good Christians we put God first. But do our lives reflect that? Do our checkbooks reflect that? What about our conversations or where we invest the majority of our time and energy?

What kind of changes do we need to make so that our lives accurately reflect the love that we have for Christ and His love for us? What sacrifices do we need to make to truly devote ourselves to His will and His Kingdom?

It is my prayer for you that the Lord would completely wreck your life and cause you to shift your gaze to Him. I pray that His love will overwhelm and define you. That there would be a stirring in your hearts for more. That a hunger for Him that exceeds all understanding will grip your life and change your heart. I pray that He would be made number one in everything that you do. I pray that our lives would be a testament and a reflection of His love. May we truly learn what it means to love the Lord our God with all of our hearts, souls, and minds as this is the first and greatest commandment. May our lives be ruined for the satisfaction of the things of this world.

Let My Roots Go Down Deep

"He is like a tree planted by the streams of water, which yields fruit in its season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." Psalm 1:3

I'm just going to be real, vulnerable, and honest here for a minute. Can I do that with you?

I want to talk about something that Banning Liebscher spoke on at this conference that really brought conviction and verification of where I am right now. 

Out of John 15, Banning began by reminding us of how Jesus is the vine and we are the branches and how Jesus wants us to bear fruit that lasts. He wants us to finish the race strong, to be faithful, and obedient. Things I figured I was already aware of but it's good to be reminded lest we forget. But then came the point Banning was trying to make. 

There is a process to bearing fruit. 

So many times when a reformation and revelation of Christ happens in our lives there's this new fire and desire to jump right into what God has called us to do. This kind of zeal is great and necessary for our walks with God, but often times it can lead to an early downfall. Hear me out. If we jump right into the ministry that we are called to without the proper and firm foundation in Christ that needs to be developed and grown, we will burn out and fall out. And who knows how many other lives and relationships with Christ we will damage in the proccess? Our longevity is tied to our root system. If our roots are shallow and underdeveloped, we will not last through the storms of this life nor will our fruit prosper. 

How are we developed? 

In the secret place. In our time spent reading, praying, and worshipping God. We are developed by those that we are in fellowship with. Those around us that pour into our lives. This is such an important part of our walks that we often times neglect. We like to think that it's just "me and Jesus" and that is lie right from the enemy that I bought into for so many years of my life. In John 17:20-23, Jesus prayed that we would be one. Not that we would be isolated and independent of one another. There is strength and courage and grace in community. We are called to be unified in Christ. This call surpasses all denominations, political agendas, and purposeful misinterpretations of the word of God to fit our comfortable and powerless lives. 

Banning then gracefully reminded us of the life of King David. He was anointed as King when he was but a boy and then sent back out into the fields to tend to his sheep. He wasn't just thrown right into dominion over his kingdom. God had to develop him first. Ester wasn't born a queen but became one and saved her people. Amos started off as a shepard. Joseph was sold by his brothers and spent years in a prison for a crime he didn't commit. Jesus didn't start his ministry right away. Luke tells us in the end of chapter two that Jesus grew in wisdom, stature, and in the favor of God and men for thirty years before He began. If Jesus had to grow in wisdom, how much more do we have to grow in wisdom?

This is by no means is me telling you that you have to be fully developed by God for Him to use you. If that were the case we'd never accomplish anything for His glory. God still uses us in our mess and disobedience. In our spiritual infancy and our spiritual old age. 

Since my new spiritual rebirthing I've been searching for my calling. Searching for what God wants me to do with my life. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing and God had revealed bits of how He wants to use the things in my life for His glory, this shouldn't be our main focus. He should be our main focus. In Him all things are found. In His will is our freedom. When we're so wrapped up in God and He begins to work on our hearts, everything changes. You don't see the world the same way you used to. You look at people differently. You speak differently. You love differently. Our gifts and callings will naturally find their way to the surface when we are in full pursuit of His face and the revelation of who He is. He will plant the desire for teachers to teach, for preachers to preach, for evangelists to spread the truth, for pastors to tend to their sheep, for missionaries to have compassion, for intercessors to pray, for worshippers to worship. Embrace the desires that God has put in your heart. Embrace your talents and gifts and use them to bring glory to our Father. 

One Thing

I’ve been at this one thing conference for the past few days and it has been an amazing experience. I have come to he conclusion that I am not crazy! Everyone thought John the Baptist was crazy as The Lord prepared him for His calling. That story is true throughout the bible. I feel like I finally have permission to relentlessly pursue the Creator of all things. To put Him in every part of my life no matter how insignificant it may seem. All things work together for the good of those who love The Lord.
My hearts desire these past few weeks has been to be where God is. Just the very thought of it brings me to tears. It's been the literal cry of my heart. "God! I just want to be where You are!!"
I’ve come to a place where I finally have a basic understand the all consuming fire of God’s love. I find that as soon as I think I've grasped a concept there's still so much more to know. I think I understand His and then He pours more and more out on me. I think I comprehend His grace and it overwhelms me. His mercy and truth and life are never ending! Nothing else matters! I don’t want anything else! I just want to be with Him. I've spent so many nights on my face crying out to Him. Worshipping Him. Praying for His power and splendor and majesty to be revealed to others.
I’ve also come to this place where I’ve recognized the terrifying power of God! If you've read any part of the Old Testament you know. I'd been so wrapped up in His love and grace that I realized one day that I don't fear Him like I should. He's given me a holy fear and a holy frustration for more of Him. I’ve had but a glimpse of His splendor and majesty and I can’t help but fall on my face in reverence. I don’t cling to Him out of fear but I obey out of love.
I’m in a place of boldness in Christ Jesus, where fear of nothing on this earth or under this earth is going to inhibit me from my calling and from my sole purpose of bringing glory to His name. Nothing is going to hold me back! I've spent too much of my life in a place of fear. Too much time cowering in the shadow of man. I am made in His perfect love and it casts out all fear. Foolish things in the eyes of man are glorious and pleasing to God.
I love my glorious Savior! More than anything! I am so unbelievably in love with Him. He has captivated my heart and transformed my mind. I can’t stop singing! I'm even writing again. I've not written in years! He's restoring the gifts and talents that I'd forfeited long ago.  I have given Him everything and it has completely changed my life. I can’t even explain this longing for Him. It’s like my very soul is yearning and reaching for Him. Everything that I am cries out for Him. I’ve only had a taste of His glory and as satisfying as it is, it continually creates a deepening hunger for the face of God. I have been consumed and ravished by the Lover of my soul and nothing will ever be the same!

Overwhelmed by Grace

"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. 
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. 
The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. 
Then I called on the name of the Lord : “ Lord, save me!” 
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. 
Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. " Psalm 116:1-7

 The Lord gave me this passage of scripture this morning and I can’t help but weep reading it. I can’t help but think about His overwhelming love and mercy and grace in my life. In Him I am made whole and complete. 
I’ve been really searching for my identity and for the purpose He has for my life. I know that in Him I live and move and have my being. Apart from Him I am nothing. 
I have found that the closer to Him I get the better I not only see Him, but myself. I can see a reflection of myself in His eyes. 
My heart’s cry this past week has been this: I just want to be where You are. That’s all I want. More than anything this life could offer, I just want to be where He is. I want to be with Him. I’m not looking for emotions or blessings. I’m looking for His face. Oh to kiss the face of my Daddy and lavish Him with love! My spirit yearns for Him so much, there is such a stirring hunger, that it physically pains me. And He’s calling me deeper! He’s calling me into the Holy of Hollies! My Daddy has made a place for me where He is! He desires my presence so much more thanmy limited  humanness ever could desire His! 
Listening to the Bethel Music song “Draw Near” last night brought a whole new revelation. Before it was just my cry to Him, and now it’s His cry to me! I’ve been so overwhelmed by His love and glory that I’ve not stopped weeping since last night. Even now it’s hard to compose myself enough to type this, but I know that this will touch at least one person and ignite a passion so bold and fierce in their hearts that they can’t contain it! 
He has brought me out of death and darkness and depression and despair into a place where I’ve found peace, love, mercy, and an overwhelming abundance of grace. 

I know who I am.